Partner Workshops: How to proactively plan with your partner
Partner Workshops
In my first few weeks at Asana, a project management tech company, I had the joy of participating in Roadmap Week (RMW). This dedicated ritual is a week-long pause of day-to-day work across the whole company where every team dedicates time to reflection, cross-functional discussion, and planning ahead for the upcoming quarter. I was able to participate in meetings in entirely different departments and could access summaries and notes detailing why we were making various decisions and what we planned to accomplish in the coming period.
And after my first RMW meeting, I was hooked. It was incredible to have the time and space to discuss difficult topics, to reflect on challenges and wins, and to align on ambitious goals. Which got me thinking…why didn’t we do this in our personal lives?
Workshops, conferences, meetings, and more, your work life probably contains a variety of spaces designed to reflect, facilitate conversation, set goals, and discuss progress. And yet somehow in our personal lives we expect that all of these things will work themselves out on their own. In fact, some people avoid these types of conversations with a ten-foot pole at fear of rocking the boat. We may have difficult conversations as the pot boils over or in the midst of a big argument, but why not have them proactively to plan ahead and make sure you’re aligned in various areas of our life. And thus, the idea for the Partner Workshop was born.
A Partner Workshop is a dedicated time and space for you and your partner to discuss important topics, have difficult conversations, set mutual goals, and share any uncommunicated ideas or thoughts. There are many benefits that can come out of a Partner Workshop including:
Facilitating difficult conversations
Providing space for individual and joint exploration
Opening lines of communication
Aligning on goals, commitments, and expectations
Having fun together!
If this idea seems a bit intimidating to you, I completely understand! It was for my partner and me as well. But if you’re committed to building a sustainable, long-lasting partnership, this exercise can be one tool to use along the way. I would recommend sampling the workshop to start with just an hour or two set aside and 1-3 activities. Then, as you get comfortable with the idea and the exercise, you can increase the time and complexity of your workshop over time. I’ve found that you can get the most success out of these exercises when you do them on a regular cadence, for example quarterly, bi-annually, or annually.
If you’re on board and ready to try out your own Partner Workshop, below are a few tips on getting started:
Scheduling the workshop: The first step can sometimes be the hardest, and that is certainly true for the Partner Workshop. It is ESSENTIAL that both people are committed to participating, and this might be intimidating for one or both of you. When I first brought up the idea to my partner, his initial response was “What did I do wrong?”. Of course he hadn’t done anything wrong, but I understood where he was coming from. I explained the genesis of the idea and how I was hoping we could create a regular space to proactively plan ahead and have tricky conversations. After more explanation and reassurance, I got him to agree to sample it at first to see if we found it valuable. And within the first activity he was bought in because it was clear how this would help strengthen our partnership.
Consider the setting: It is important to hold your workshop in a setting that is free from distraction and doesn’t carry a ton of emotional or mental weight for either one of you. For some couples, this may mean booking a day away somewhere where others may hold it in their living room. If you have kids, you may want to consider including them in one or two of the activities (if they’re old enough to participate), but otherwise, you should schedule a sitter or make other arrangements so you and your partner can have focused time alone for the workshop.
Setting the agenda: You can collaborate on setting the agenda, or one person can take the lead and the other person can participate. I recommend breaking the agenda up into activities that can accomplish what you’re hoping to get out of the workshop. For example, if you need to revisit your household budget and plan for an upcoming vacation, you could create activities to discuss both of those topics.
Get creative with your activities: Just as you might with a brainstorm, team workshop, or conference at work, I encourage you to make the activities fun and engaging to facilitate good conversations. I’ll share ideas for a variety of activities in future posts (comment with topics you want to cover), and you can steal ideas from work or from “team building/workshop” ideas on the internet- there’s a million out there. At the very least, get some post its, and try writing down each idea on a post-it before sharing to help each person articulate their ideas.
Include an active or fun element: Along with more structured activities to facilitate serious conversations, I always try to include an activity just for fun or to get active. This could be a walk to your favorite ice cream shop, a hike, or a visit to the library to pick out a book for one another. Whatever it is, make sure it’s fun for both people and something you can do together with some conversation.
Recap and capture actionable items at the end: After you’ve completed each activity, had all the necessary conversations, and had some fun, be sure to circle back to make sure you’re on the same page about outcomes, next steps, and to check in on how each of you is feeling. This final step can go a long way in making sure the workshop is valuable over time and not just a one-time discussion.
Hopefully those recommendations can get you started, but all Partner Workshops will look different as they should be designed for you and your partner. This exercise as become an invaluable tool for me and my husband, and we both look forward to them every 6 months. I hope you’ll give it a chance, and feel free to reach out if you need ideas or want to share feedback or suggestions for others. Happy workshopping!